Pamper Yourself At Home, Go On, You Deserve It.

I'm a firm believer in that we should all make time for ourselves to de-stress, relax and to feel beautiful, now for me, to achieve that "arhhhhh" feeling I have a good old pamper evening. There is nothing more blissful and satisfying than treating your skin and mind to a well deserved break. I guess I would probably do this routine once a fortnight, sometimes even once a week if it's been a bad one.

To begin with I normally give my hands a bit of love. In the winter months your hands can become dry and cracked. So I like to give myself a mini manicure, I start off by removing the polish I'm currently wearing, file my nails until they are roughly the same length, then I give my hands a good old soak in a lovely moisturising soap. I apply cuticle oil, and a generous amount of hand lotion/oil, leave for 5-10 minutes, rinse off making sure all oil is free from my nails, then apply a base coat, I highly recommend OPI's Nail Envy. Apply two coats of your colour of choice and finish with a top coat, I use Seche Vites, it dries so quickly.
On this particular occasion I chose a lovely nude toffee colour which has gold glitter sparkles, I normally go for quite bright colours so this colour was quite neutral for me but I actually love it. It's by elf, I'm not sure what the name or number of it as it came in a set which my my mum got for Christmas. I'm normally a big fan of Barry M's High Shine Gel Effect. Here is a picture:

TOP TIP : Don't worry too much if you get polish over the edges of your nails, as once you've had a long soak in the bath, it peels straight off leaving your nails looking neat and tidy. That's why I always paint my nails and hour or so before I have a bath as I'm pretty messy at it ha. 

Next I like to run myself a lovely hot bath. Surrounded by candle light it gives that extra luxury feel.

While my bath is running, I would normally apply a facemask, but on this occasion I chose not to as my skin was in pretty good condition and as it's quite sensitive I didn't want to disturb it, so I just opted for a face cleanser instead.

On the left are the two masks I would normally use, Cupcake is my absolute favourite, it smells gorgeous I just want to eat it! I normally use cupcake when my skin is a bit on the oily side and i'm getting quite a few breakouts, it really helps to restore a natural balance in your skin. Mask of Magnaminty is green in colour and feels so soothing/cooling on your face. I normally use this when I have those big nasty red sports which are deep under the skin. The green colour helps to reduce the redness and I found it's best for toning down the appearance of the deep rooted ones. On the right is soap and glory's hot cloth cleanser, I'm really loving this cleanser at the moment, It's so creamy, it melts into your face and smells divine but then again everything from soap and glory smells ridiculously nice. This product comes with a muslin cloth but I personally didn't like it, it was too flimsy and cheap, I prefer using a sponge, I just wet the sponge; squeezing most of the water out and pat off the cleanser from my face.

TOP TIP: IF YOU DON'T HAVE A FACE MASK, YOU CAN MAKE A SIMPLE ONE USING JUST HONEY AND GROUND CINNAMON. IT'S GREAT FOR ACNE PRONE/SENSITIVE SKIN.

In the middle we have a bath bomb from Lush - Santa's Grotto. My ultimate must have item when having a relaxing hour in the bath is to have a Lush bath product, they're literally amazing. The bath bombs make your bathroom smell like heaven and they make your bath water change into all kinds of colours, it's magical. I still had Santa's Grotto left over from Christmas as I did get a huge amount of Lush products. Here it is in action:

I really wish you could smell it. I urge you all to go in a lush store just once, I promise you will come out buying at least one item as the smells are so alluring. If you can't smell then I'm really sorry as you're missing out on something amazing and trying to explain smells is impossible.

Once i've spent a good amount of time relaxing and soaking away the days stresses I give my hair a good old clean. At the moment I'm really into John Frieda's Volumising shampoo and conditioner.

Even though I have a lot of hair, and my sister thinks my hair is thick (I'm not so sure) I always lack life in my hair, it's always so flat, I have naturally straight hair so I find it hard to get a little bit of oomph in it, but this duo is working wonders at the moment. Once a week I apply a deep conditioning treatment as the weather, heat appliances and even brushing all take a toll on your hair. I've been using John Frieda's Full Repair Conditioning Mask and it's pretty good, it makes my hair feel super soft but I only really use it on the ends as it can make my hair quite greasy which isn't nice. 

TOP TIP: WARMING UP A BIT OF EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL AND MASSAGING INTO YOUR HAIR WORKS JUST AS GOOD AS ANY OTHER HOT OIL TREATMENT, JUST MAKE SURE YOU RINSE IT OUT THOROUGHLY.

After my bath, I apply my usual face moisturiser which is Simple's Kind To Skin Hydrating Light Moisturiser. If my skin is feeling a bit dry I use Soap and Glory's Beauty Sleep Accelerator. I also apply Soap and Glory's Righteous Butter on to dry patches of my body (Knees, Elbows etc) as normally Lush's bath products are packed with moisturizing goodness for your skin. I apply my argan oil and John Frieda's heat defense to my hair, then give it a good old blow dry because sleeping on wet hair is horrible. I get myself in a cosy set of pj's, and normally watch a movie or read a book. Then I slumber away feeling all nice and refreshed ready to face the day/week. 

What do you do to help you relax? I don't know about you, but after writing this I really want to have a bath!

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Why Should We Hide Our Flaws?

We've all heard the cliche "Beauty Is Skin Deep" and although I truly do believe to be classed as a beautiful person you need to have a beautiful heart, it is extremely hard to be happy with your appearance in today's society. Not only do we have the media portraying this image of what people, particularly girls should look like, men and women can also be so judgemental on how people look. Why must we all be so perfect? I know that majority of the photo's you see in magazines of these women having flawless skin are photoshopped and caked on with make-up but when you have ordinary people picking out peoples flaws and judging you on them that's when it becomes worrying.

If a celebrity is seen without make up and has "bad skin" they are heavily criticised for it, like recently Harry Styles from One Direction was spotted with a few spots on his face, now instead of the people criticizing him for having terrible skin and saying he is unhygienic they should be supporting him in the fact he isn't ashamed to go out without covering them up. He is a teenage boy, what do you expect? being a celebrity does not make him immune from getting spots. Also having spots/acne does not make you unhygienic at all, in fact people with such skin conditions probably clean and look after their skin better than people who don't.

Now I'm not saying I'm never judgemental, because as a natural instinct for humans we judge people from the second we meet them but why does it always have to do with there appearance? Unfortunately for me I have the top 3 terrible flaws, 1) Being over weight 2) Bad skin 3) Being short. Although being short doesn't actually bother me as much as it does other people. The first thing people say to me when they meet me for the first time is "No way you can't be 21, you're so small and look so young" to begin with this use to really bother me but I've heard it so often it's like yes, well done for pointing out the obvious, and in fact I actually like being small, and looking young is a bonus in a lot of ways, my point is you don't hear people say "Woah you're so tall and look so old" because that would be considered rude.

Now a lot of people who know me will know I hardly ever wear make up, I probably wear it on average once a month. I only wear it when I'm going to see people I want to make a certain impression on. The reasons for this is because I honestly can't be bothered to apply it every day it takes too long. I also get really mad/upset with myself when I have to look in a mirror, especially when it goes wrong, because I have such low self esteem and I'm my own worst critic I think "You're too ugly to wear make up Becky, you look like a clown, you just look like you're trying to look pretty and you actually look stupid." yet when I do wear make up everyone compliments me on how pretty I look and how much it suits me, I don't really know if this is a compliment or not, because it's like saying you should wear make up more because without it you don't look as good. This is probably my mind twisting everything round into a negative because I find it hard to believe someone can find my beautiful.

So the point of this post (Sorry it's took so long, well done if you've even read this far ha) is I'm trying to not be so hard on myself, I do have bad acne and skin, and the strange thing is I'm not afraid to go out to the shop or to the cinema with out make up on, but when it comes to uploading photos on to the internet I feel I have to either wear make up or edit out my bad skin, i'm so afraid of getting negative comments about my skin, when in reality I shouldn't be, because it's not my fault I have acne, I cleanse, tone, and moisturise my skin, it's hormonal and genetic. I was just unfortunate, same as everyone else who suffers with skin conditions.

So this is quite challenging for me, as I'm about to upload three pictures, the first being the original photo straight from the camera, the second is the same photo but  edited - what I would have done to it if say I was going to upload it to a social networking site, and the third is a photo of me with a full face of make up. Now 99.9% of my photo's on facebook are photoshopped and I shouldn't feel as though I have to edit them for them to be acceptable and to not be judged. Yes I have acne/bad skin but so what? does that make me less interesting or not as nice as someone who has flawless skin? I honestly don't think it does, and although it makes me feel insecure at times, I'm learning to live and deal with it, I'm still young so maybe I'll grow out of it eventually but if not then it's no big deal, I'm still me.

This is what I would normally do to a photo of myself, adjust the lighting, smoothing out the skin and covering up all the red scars/spots. It's quite a noticeable difference between the two photos which shocked me and made me not want to upload this but how can I expect people to love me for me if I can't even accept/love myself. So what the heck!

This is a photo of me with make up on, I've adjusted the lightning but nothing else.

Now I'm not saying I'm never going to edit my photo's again, especially when it comes to uploading them on facebook, I want to become more confident and I'm trying this new technique of not letting people judging me for my looks and letting my low self esteem rule my life. So this is me, take it or leave it, it's your choice. I'm only human just like everyone else.

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My Top 12 Male And Female Celebrity Crushes.

I'm not really one to follow celebrities lifestyles, lots of people are obsessed with what reality stars like Kim Kardashian are doing, wearing and eating etc. but I personally don't get it. I don't really get reality stars in the first place (you know the ones who get famous from having their own show(s)), while everyone hypes on about how amazing "TOWIE", "The Kardashians" and "Made In Chelsea" are, I take an interest in what makes stars unique and talented. So here is a list of my top 6 Male and 6 Female heroes and what it is about them I like. Enjoy!

Lets start with the guys, Now I must admit, yes, most, if not all of them are indeed good looking but that's not the only reason I like them!

6) Name: Justin Timberlake, Age: 32

What I love about Justin is his versatility, not only is he an amazing actor he also is an adaptive artist. When his solo singing career started his songs were quite hip-hop as he progressed he became a bit more of a pop artist and recently has took on a blues/jazz theme and he has always managed to stay successful throughout the years.
Not only is he really talented he makes stubble/facial hair look sexy. I'm not big on beards but on Justin it looks ridiculously hot!
My favourite songs of his are Rock Your Body, Sexy Back and one of his newest ones Mirrors.
My favourite films that he has acted in have to be Friends With Benefits and The Social Network.

5) Name: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Age: 23

Aaron Johnson became one of my celebrity crushes, after watching him Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. He played his character really well and it was one of my favourite teenage films. Recently I loved him in the Kick Ass movies, I'm not really big into superhero films and don't go out of my way to watch the latest one, but with Kick Ass being more of comedy I found it a lot more entertaining and of course with Aaron as the main character he got a lot of screen time which made it even better.

4) Name: Logan Lerman, Age: 21

Although Logan has been acting since he was young he hasn't done many films. His most famous one is probable Percy Jackson. I first saw him in The Perks Of Being A Wallflower which I thought he acted perfectly. He has this nerdy quirkiness about him but he also is super cool at the same time. I recently saw him in a film called Stuck In Love and his character was this super smooth cool guy which at first I thought wouldn't suit him but he played it spot on. I think Logan is an upcoming actor and I can't wait to watch his career progress I reckon he could be the next Brad Pitt!

Name: Danny O'Donoghue, Age: 33

 Mr O'Donoghue is a very talented man indeed. I was a big fan of The Script without even knowing the band members. When the voice first aired I was stunned to know that Danny was the lead singer and that he was Irish, because if you know me I'm a sucker for the Irish accent. His personality shun through and I liked him even more. My favourite songs off The Script are Hall Of Fame, Six Degrees Of Separation and The Man Who Can't Be Moved.

2) Name: Leonardo Dicaprio, Age: 39

Lets be honest probably half the population have a crush of Leonardo, not only is he good looking but he is a very well respected actor. The first film I saw with Leonardo in was of course Titanic which will always be a classic. You can't help but fall in love with him in the film. I then saw him In romeo and Juliet which was an earlier film of his and still couldn't believe how amazing he was in that. I also loved him in The Beach, which I think is my all time favourite film featuring Leonardo, with Catch Me If You Can be a close second. I swear the older this man gets the better looking he gets.

1) Name: Bradley Cooper, Age: 39

First of all, just look at those eyes! His eyes are like crystals and if you don't find them mesmerizing then I think you might need a trip to specsavers ha! Being serious though he is just world class. His acting for me is on a whole different level, no matter what role he takes he always manages to smash it. My favourite movies with Bradley are Silver Linings Playbook, Limitless and The American Hustle.

Now for the girls!

6) Name: Lily Collins, Age: 24

Although I've seen Lily Collins in a couple of movies, I only really remember her standing out in one which was Stuck In Love. I don't think she had big enough roles in previous films so she kind of faded into the background but saying that she was brilliant in Stuck In Love and after watching it, the first thing I did was search her and find out what other films she had been in. I was rather shocked to find she'd been in a few i'd already seen as I didn't recognize her in them. I think she is absolutely beautiful and can't wait to see how her career progresses. She also has perfect eyebrows, I wish mine were as full as hers.

5) Name: Cara Delevingne, Age: 21

One word, eyebrows. As you can tell I have a thing for girls with nice thick eyebrows, I think it makes them look natural and beautiful. To be honest Cara is known for her modeling career and she is probably the only model I actually have heard of as I don't tend to like models or agree with their careers, mainly because they are stupidly thin and photoshopped. It gives off a bad image to what girls should look like, which is wrong on so many levels. What I like about Cara is she doesn't take herself too seriously, shes always seen with no make-up on, wearing casual clothes and she takes a few instagram photo's of her eating junk food, whether it's for show or not I don't know, but she just doesn't come across as your typical model which why I love her.

4) Name: Kate Hudson, Age: 34

So if I could be anyone in the world it would be Kate Hudson, she has this beautiful smile that can light up a room. I love almost every film she has been in and even though her characters can seem quite similar she still makes the film entertaining. I imagine her to be very much like the roles she plays and I love her innocent yet sexy personality. You can't help but like her. I really liked her in Raising Helen, Fools Gold and Bride Wars.

3) Name: Avril Lavigne, Age: 29

I've loved Avril ever since her first single Complicated, and every song/album she releases I always end up loving, I believe she is very versatile and even when she went through her pop/barbie doll stage I still always found her music entertaining and loved to listen to it. Her songs vary from being really upbeat and poppy to being slow and meaningful which you can relate to how she felt when writing them. Yes, that's right she actually writes her own songs which makes me love her even more because her feelings and lyrics are from her heart. I think her most recent album self titled Avril Lavigne is probably one of my favourites I love every song on it, particularly Hello Heartbreak and Give You What You Like. One of my all time favourite songs from her has to be I'm With You although it's quite a depressing song the lyrics speak to me and when I'm going through a hard time it weirdly helps me through.

2) Name: Jennifer Lawrence, Age: 23

This beauty is and icon, and as you are all very much aware she is every girls best friend. Not only is she an amazing actress but she has such a lovely personality and she isn't afraid to be herself. Girls including myself relate to her in so many ways, she's not afraid to say she loves food, she's a bit clumsy, she doesn't think before she speaks, she hates looking at photo's of herself, she has flaws like everyone else, the difference is she doesn't try to hide them, you either love her for her the good, bad and ugly, or you can jog on to put it nicely. I think everyone should take a leap out of Jennifer's book and be more open with themselves and not take themselves to seriously. I loved her in Silver Linings Playbook (Which is one of my favourite films I suggest everyone to watch it!) she plays a slightly unhinged widow but you can't help respect her and wish you were more like her. This girl will be around for years to come.

1) Name: Juno Temple, Age: 24

I bet a lot of people haven't heard of Juno before, she isn't that well known as she hasn't been in many "big" films which to me is crazy because she is such a great actress. Most of the characters she plays tend to be that wild girl who doesn't give a damn and takes life as it comes. I first saw her in a film called Dirty Girl which isn't really a very good title considering what the film is about. It's one of these films that have you laughing, crying, worried, happy, and scared in one, it's a great film and deserves a lot more credit. I then saw her in Killer Joe and although she doesn't have a big part in this film you still seem to just focus on her and the scenes she is in. Another good film  is called Little Birds, it's kind of an indie film but once again that wild girl character comes out. I love her style and her personality I just wished she got more recognition for her talent.

So there you have it, my top 12. I hope you liked this kind of post and comment down below who you love and why?

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My Christmas Goodies

Christmas is my favourite time of year, I get so excited when November comes that by the time it's December 25th  i've exhausted myself out. I really don't like January and February though, I find them very dull and depressing, so what better to do than go through some of my christmas goodies to put a smile back on my face and re live that christmassy feeling. I've been truly spoilt this year as I am every other year and I'm very thankful to family and friends for these lovely gifts but most importantly for their love and kindness.

Blank Canvas Contour Palette- I've heard great things about this and wanted to try it out for a while now and yes it is amazing!

Benefit Porefessional - I bought this with my Christmas money, It was a tad pricey but I found it cute that you got the "It's Potent Eye Cream" and "That Gal Face Brightener" with it for free and well I'm a sucker for freebies.

I'm not much of a reader, but I do like facts and non fiction books. Partly why I got my nickname nerdoboo.

P.S Science year by year is super interesting.

Real Techniques starter and core sets - I never realised how much of a difference putting on make up with quality brushes would make, but wow my skin looks flawless.

Remington Pearl Wand - Bought this for new years eve as I wanted to try out tighter curls, it heats up super fast and curls your hair in seconds!

Glamoriser Hair Dryer - This is a beauty it has actual sparkles in it which make me love it even more, it has 5 hear settings and 5 power settings, it makes my hair super soft and shiny.

Me and My sister are a huge fans of the movies and she knew how much I wanted to go to the studios that she paid for us to go on the 1st feb, I'm so excited, I will most likely do a blog post on our visit.

I'm a self confessed lush-o-holic, yes thats right I have enough lush products to last me the winter yay! For everyone who knows me, knows I love my baths and for every bath you have to add that little bit of lush :)

I can't get over how many pandora charms/clips I got this year. I got my bracelet for my 21st and it's filling up sooner than expected haha. My favourites is the snowflake clip, it's beautiful.

Soap and Glory do a lovely skin care range, If you're like me and have acne prone/oily skin then their scrub your nose in it scrub is amazing for you, it's one the best. I also got the "Dr Spot Gel" and "The Fab Pore Moisturiser"

A bunch of Yankee Tarts - Another love of mine is candles, especially ones that smell nice, I prefer yankee's tarts because they give out a longer and stronger smell than the candles but I also love the candles just as much.

An assortment of bath bits, I always get little gift sets of miniature bath/skin lotions and potions, It's lovely to try out new products and they're also perfect for traveling. I think the soap and glory hand lotion will probably be going in my hand bag.

So that is a few of the things I got for Christmas, I told you I had been spoilt. I also got some Christmassy PJ's that I will continue to wear throughout of winter even though christmas is over. I hope you all had a lovely time with family and friends and let's hope 2014 is a good year for us all.

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Background Info and Welcome 2014

Welcome To My Life.

Hi there, so this is my first post and believe me I've been going over and over in my head to what I should post, I finally came to a decision that I would just start it with a little background info on my life so far and how things have got to where they are. I'm going to try and keep this "biography" as short as possible as I don't want to bore you all and scare you all off when I haven't even started yet!

So I was born on the 19th June 1992. This is me:

Now to tell you where I'm at in life is pretty hard for me as there isn't really much for me to be proud of. I'm 21, a college dropout with minimal qualifications, never worked a days work in my life and battled with mental health issues for the past few years. It's been tough to say the least. When I was younger I'd imagined what my life would have been like by the time I'd hit my twenties and it's far from the reality. I always thought i'd leave school do my a-levels go to uni and then get a job in my chosen field.

So why didn't this happen?  I didn't realise it at the time but I actually suffer with anxiety disorder, I find change and fitting in very nerve wrecking and challenging. It's strange because once I'm settled I'm quite a confident person, out going with lots of friends and on the whole very sociable but on the other hand when things aren't going quite as I predicted I become very shy, anxious, withdrawn and want to hide from the world. I noticed this first at around the age of 13 when I moved schools, I couldn't settle in, I found it hard to make friends etc, and being at that awkward age where girls hormones are rife it was kind of ignored and blamed on the fact I was just being a unreasonable teenager, people didn't understand but eventually with help from the social and the school I finally fitted in and became "me" and ironically took up drama and enjoyed being under the spotlight.

I then noticed this feeling of anxiety and dread again when I started college. I chose to take up A-levels and after a couple of weeks, I once again felt alone, unsafe, and insecure. I couldn't cope with the work, everyone seemed to be making friends except me, I was getting panic attacks in the morning, I wasn't sleeping at night. I decided it wasn't right for me and with it being so early on I was able to switch courses. So I switched to doing a diploma in ICT, not because I had an interest in it, but simply because I knew people on that course, my brother being one of them and people I went to school with. I settled in very quickly and felt happy again and strangely found a new love for computing. I completed the course over the year and decided to take the higher level which was a 2 year course. Things seemed to go downhill, even though I knew people on the course and had friends who I was with, I started to feel anxious and have panic attacks again, I couldn't pinpoint a reason for them this time and over the weeks friends became distant and the relationship I was in broke off, so I started avoiding things more and more and went into a downward spiral, where eventually I was having panic attacks every morning just to get my bus to college and it became so draining, physically and emotionally that I dropped out, not the best choice I made but I made it nonetheless.

The next 3 years was pretty much a battle with myself trying to force myself to get out of bed, to leave the house and make it through the day. At one point I was so terrified of going outside that I was housebound, I wouldn't even answer the phone or door to anyone for about 6 months. I was on medication, seeing different therapists, it was a rollercoaster few years, from feeling able to try and get my life back on track to not even being able to get out of bed but nothing seemed to matter until now.

In April 2013 I started declining again, my family noticed a big switch in my mood and were worried for my safety, my mum made the choice of taking me to the doctors and when I told them I was feeling suicidal they got in touch with the crisis team who came and assessed me, I was then referred to a psychiatrist to rule out bipolar and other mental illnesses and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety disorder and said I needed CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) as it was quite deep rooted. I then met a man called Dan (my CBT Therapist) and although I had had therapy before in 2010 which didn't seem to make any difference, this time round it did, maybe it was the person, the time, or me, I'm not quite sure but while seeing Dan, I was also seeing a lady called Chloe who is a health trainer, she was helping me with my diet and referred me onto Vikki a personal trainer through the nhs, and I started going to the gym, Maybe the fact I had all three of these people helping me and believing in me I started to believe in myself. I haven't felt this positive for over 4 years.

Early December Chloe (Health Trainer) discharged me as she thought i'd made enough progress to go it alone, 19th December, Dan (Therapist) discharged me as he thought too I'd made enough progress and on the 16th Jan I have my final meeting at the Gym to review my progress. I'm still going to continue going to the gym though as, I want to lose weight but most importantly exercise is good for the mind and it releases endorphins which make you feel happy.

Now it's 2014, and I don't know where this year will take me but I hope I continue at making my life a happier and healthier one.

I'm making this blog to track my moods, my diet, and my goals. Sometimes it's easier to do things together so if you have anything you wish to change or improve on then lets tackle them together!

Goals for 2014: 

1. Get a bus on my own (Haven't done that in 4 years)  I now can get on the bus on my own yay!
2. Start driving
3. Lose weight
4. Work on going to college or getting into work - I'm studying to be a veterinary nurse
5. Say YES to more things and not let opportunities slide.

What are your goals?

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