I'm Just Me, Becky King

3 Nov 2015

Is This Rape? #Sexontrial Review

Last night BBC 3 showed a program called Is This Rape? Sex On Trial, where a group of young adults were shown a drama in three parts and were asked questions based on what they had seen, with the ultimate question being Is This Rape?
First of all I would just like to say I think the program was brilliant, it gets you thinking about personal experiences, friends, family, and what you vs society would consider to be wrong, it was clear from the very start of the program that a lot of us have mixed views on what is acceptable and what isn't, so if you missed it then I highly recommend watching it on catch up.

Spoilers alert!!!

The drama started out at a house party, where Gemma was partying with her friends, while looking over at Tom pretty much every moment she got. Later on Tom walks in on Gemma and his best friend kissing, he is clearly gutted and shocked, heads back down to the party and starts drinking some more. The party eventually comes to an end when Tom's best friend leaves much to Gemma's disappointment. Gemma believes everyone has left so she makes up a sofa bed in the lounge, but then Tom walks in, Tom had passed out in the kitchen and hadn't realised everyone had left and the party was now over. Gemma is asleep on the bed, while Tom is lying on the sofa, he tries waking Gemma up, telling her he is cold, she sleepily replies "get a blanket" Tom lies and says he's already looked and can't find one, he asks her to budge up so he can get in the bed, she is still half asleep at this point and agrees. Tom tries talking to Gemma but she is clearly not interested and tells him she needs to get some sleep. Tom then starts to kiss Gemma, she eventually wakes up and looks shocked, Tom gets on top of her still kissing her, Gemma lies still doesn't say anything, doesn't move, her arms straight by her side. Tom then unzips his jeans and put's his penis in Gemma's mouth, once again Gemma doesn't move or say anything. The first part of the drama is left there. 

The Boys and Girls are then asked "Did Gemma give consent?" The majority vote was no she didn't give consent. What I found the most interesting part was majority of the boys were quick to claim what Tom did was wrong and that he had raped her, where as a lot of the girls said she was as much to blame as he was because she didn't say no so therefore she was giving consent in a way, or they felt as if she thought I can't be arsed to say no so I'll just get it out the way and do what he wants. I honestly thought it would have been the other way round. 

The second part of the drama starts with Gemma phoning the police, it moves on to her in court being questioned about her allegation, she is made to feel as if she bought this on herself, she mislead Tom by inviting him to the party, flirting and looking over at him, sending him explicit snap chat pictures and is also accused of using him to make his best friend jealous. This is the bit I found to be a foggy area, the group were then asked if they thought "Tom believed he had consent?" Only just over half said Yes, and the rest said No or they weren't sure. It is so hard to know if Tom intentionally knew what he was doing was wrong or if he honestly thought it was ok because she didn't stop him.

The third part of the drama shows Tom being questioned, he is asked if Gemma said she was ok with what happened, and why he thought what he had done was fine, Tom's downfall is when texts he sent are read out in court, he told a friend "Had much better" and "She wasn't that into it but a party is a party" which shows Tom knew Gemma wasn't comfortable with what was happening but he still continued anyway. The final question is asked Is this rape?

The majority of the group came to a conclusion that it was rape. The director then showed that Tom was convicted of Rape and the standard sentence for that is 7 years, this shocked the group as they believed that although what Tom had done was wrong, the punishment was too severe and he shouldn't be classed as a rapist as when you think of a rapist you think of some sort of monster a violent human being and they didn't view Tom in this way, they felt he was just a boy who had made a mistake and had miscommunication with Gemma.  

I must admit this part is what hit home for me. Now I don't ever really talk about this and very few people even know so I'm a little scared to be writing about this, partly because I try to pretend it never happened and partly because it's just something I don't like to remember but I was once in a similar situation as Gemma, however I did say no, on several occasions in fact, but the guy I was with just wouldn't give up and in the end I did just lie there and let him do what he wanted as I felt so uncomfortable, embarrassed and pressured, I felt I had no way of getting out of it, and the more I kept protesting the more determined he seemed to be, so I did think, I'll just let him do what he wants and then he'll leave me alone. The thing is we both were only 15 at the time, we were kids, and for a long time I blamed myself, if I didn't go to his house, if I didn't say certain things I had said, he might of not done what he did, I would go over and over it and think if I did one thing differently that night it might not have happened. I don't know if he believes what he did was wrong but I also now know that I could have done so much to have prevented and stopped it from happening and although I felt ashamed for what had happened I personally couldn't live with myself if he was convicted of rape and sent to prison for 7 years, mainly maybe because we were only kids and wishfully thinking I hope he has grown up a lot now and knows what he did was wrong but also because I think that is just to harsh of a punishment. I think we need a fresh look on things, more education and maybe classes in which if someone is misinformed or misread the signs, instead of being convicted for rape but be shown and taught what they did was wrong and how they should have dealt with the situation differently because I think a lot of people don't even realise what they have done is probably considered as rape or sexual assault or that their partner wasn't feeling it at the time but was too embarrassed to say. Don't get me wrong, rape is a terrible thing, and those who do commit rape knowingly or with intention to do so, they know what they're doing is wrong, and the person has not consented at all then of course lock them up and throw away the key in my eyes. 

On another note I feel as if a lot of girls don't feel strong enough to be able to say no, and whether it's the experience I went through when I was 15 or not I don't know but now I don't ever just "give in" if a guy is trying it on with you and you're not into it or ok with it, it's fine to say no, and if they still don't get the message and won't take your answer literally it's also ok to leave and call anyone who you trust to get out of that situation, you should never be made to feel stuck or as if you have to do something because you promised or gave the impression that's what you wanted, it's alright to change your mind and to make it clear that you've changed your mind. 

Have you seen the program? what are your thought's and opinions on this topic? 
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7 Aug 2015

Lush Lincoln Summer 2015 New Products Exclusive Launch Event.

Well this post will probably be a huge mumble gumble mess because I'm just so excited to tell you all about Lush and their new products that I don't quite know where to begin haha!

I spent last week in Lincoln and while in their Lush store, Lucy and I were told about an exclusive party happening thursday night (06/08/15) to introduce the new products which are coming to the store today! The products coming to the stores are the bestsellers from the huge Oxford Street store in London, if you're like me and a huge lush fan but find it a bit tricky to get to london then this is super exciting because it's a chance for us all to finally try out the products that have been advertised all over our instagrams haha!

Here is a list of the products that have made it to the stores:

  • Shower products:
    • Yuzu and Cocoa shower cream
    • The Comforter shower cream
    • Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair shower gel
    • Beautiful shower gel
    • Don't Rain On My Parade shower gel
    • Orange Roulade shower smoothie
    • Blueberry Roulade shower smoothie
    • Enzymic Roulade shower smoothie
    • Dreamwash Roulade shower smoothie
    • Turkish Delight Roulade shower smoothie
    • Coconut Scrubby Roulade shower smoothie
    • Refresher shower jelly
    • 93,000 Miles shower jelly
    • Needles and Pines shower jelly
    • The Rough with the Smooth body scrub
    • Rub Rub Rub body scrub
    • Wash You Were Here wash sheet
    • Beautiful wash sheet
    • Don't Rain On My Parade wash sheet
    • Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair wash sheet
    • Candyfloss showder
    • Lemon Sherbet showder
    • Life's a Beach body scrub powder
  • Bath products:
    • Milky Bath bubble bar
    • Granny Takes A Dip bubble bar
    • Pink Flamingo reusable bubble bar
    • The Experimenter bath bomb
    • Frozen bath bomb
    • Yoga Bomb bath bomb
    • Intergalactic bath bomb
    • Outback Mate soap
    • Serendipity soap
    • Respect Your Elders soap
    • Layer Cake soap
    • Maypole soap
    • Apandapand soap
    • Devil's Nightcap soap
  • Body products:
    • Salted Coconut hand scrub
    • Go Faster Feet foot lotion
    • Softy foot lotion
    • Love and Light hand cream
    • Elbow Grease moisturising bar
    • Pumice Power foot soap
    • Foot Soak and Fancy Free foot soak
    • Twinkle Toes foot powder
    • Golden Handshake hot hand mask
  • Face products:
    • Cup O' Coffee exfoliating mask
    • Magical Moringa moisturiser
    • Dark Brown colour supplement
That is a whole bunch of new products, to be honest there is so many I didn't even get round to seeing some of them, so another trip may be needed at some point haha!

So we decided to get to Lush Lincoln at 18:15pm just to make sure we got in haha, we were second in the que which was good because it soon got very long.
Once the door's opened everyone pretty much rushed in full of excitement, the staff were so friendly and helpful, it was a great atmosphere, we were greeted with mocktails, I tried the Elderflower one which was based on the new Respect your elders soap and it was rather nice!
I also entered a competition with the prize being a goody bag of the new products.



We went round the shop having a good old gander at the new items, it was so much fun and exciting, getting to smell all the new smells!! A lovely lady gave us all a hand massage with Beautiful shower gel 

It has a very unique smell, I can't even describe it, it's very apricot and citrusy.

Here are some other pictures I took while in the store:













Intergalactic has a very minty smell, it's full of glitter too, so your bath looks so pretty and sparkly!
















Pink Flamingo is a lovely sweet smell, it reminds me of incense burners.

















I think Milky Bath is my favourite scent wise, it smells just like freshly washed bed sheets which have been hanging out in the summer air to dry!


















The Experimenter is very different, it doesn't have a traditional Lush smell, it's very smoky, almost like a bomb fire smell, it's definitely a love it or hate it type I think, I love it! I just can't wait to see this bomb in action. Those colours!!














Granny takes a dip is quite a refreshing scent, kind of lemon-ny I'm not sure if I'm a fan of this or not yet.















Yoga Bomb is another amazing smelling bomb, it reminds me a tad like blackberry bomb which happens to be my fav haha!
















I've never really been a lover of soaps, but Outback Mate smells lovely, it's very minty and I reckon quite cooling on the skin on a hot summers day.













I can't even describe the smell of Respect your Elders, it's such a unique smell, but it's a good one, trust me!

















Maypole literally smells like a stick of rock which you get from the seaside. It's very sweet with a subtle minty after smell.





As you can imagine I went a little wild in the shop and probably spent more than I should have, but nevertheless it was worth it i'm sure! I will be smelling great for months upon end! Here are some of the products I bought!!



Intergalactic

Frozen

Pink Flamingo

Yoga Bomb

The Experimenter

Granny Takes A Dip

Pumice Power

Golden Handshake

Milky Bath

Outback Mate

Respect Your Elders

I would just like to thank all of the Lincoln staff for making it such a wonderful evening and experience, you did such an amazing job!

Last but not least, have a picture of Lucy and I holding our baskets and fav soaps!







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19 May 2015

An Experimental Crafty Thursday.

So my friend Lucy and I both love arty/crafty projects, one day we were watching some DIY's on YouTube and decided we wanted to give some ago. We wanted to try and make our own crystal geodes using egg shells and also our own snazzy pillowcases because we're cool like that. Well things never really turn out how you plan do they? This is how our day went:

First of all Lucy ordered some transfer paper for the pillowcases and I ordered some Alum power in order to make the crystals. Lucy originally was going to use black pillowcases but couldn't get hold of them locally and then also realised you needed a different type of transfer paper for dark fabrics anyway. So we went into town to pick up a few bits, eggs, dye, pillow cases, essentials we needed really.

So lets start with the egg geodes, we did a bit of research into what you need and how much etc. The ingredients:

  • Blown out egg shells cut in halves
  • Pin/Scissors
  • Glue (We used PVA)
  • Alum Powder
  • Food Colouring
  • Hot Water
  • Plastic Containers
  • Tissue
  • Patients (Not our forte!)

Step One

Use a pin or a small sharp object to puncture your egg on both ends, You then need to blow out the egg inside. Once you're left with the shell you need to carefully cut the shell in half, this is actually quite tricky. We found small little cuts worked best.


Step Two

You then need to paint the inside of the egg shell with glue, we also painted a little bit on the edge and outer shell as we thought it would look more natural. Now sprinkle that egg with Alum powder!!!


Step Three

Put the eggs aside to dry. It's time to prepare the solution! Boil the kettle. You want to mix the boiling water with alum powder into a container. We used roughly 50g of Alum powder to about 200 - 250ml of water. 







As you can see the water has gone a merky greeny/grey, this was not suppose to happen. From tutorials we have seen the water is suppose to be clear, I don't know what happened, maybe the powder we ordered wasn't genuine, (Thanks eBay) or it was a different type of alum powder. 
I cannot describe to you the smell this gave off, it wasn't pleasant at all and we felt like crazy scientist mixing dodgy chemicals haha. I did dare Lucy to drink some....don't know why she declined though.

Step Four

Once all the powder is mixed in and dissolved it's time to add your colouring!

We chose to do, Yellow, Blue, Green and Purple! We guesstimated how much dye to use, they look pretty saturated though so we thought it would be fine.









Step Five

Now get back those egg shells! It's time to drop them in to the solution. We fit two halves in each container. Cover with a paper towel/tissue and allow the crystals to grow.....this takes at least 12 hours, agonising I know! 


The Finished Product??


Look how amazing they turned out!!!! Haha no not really, this was how they were suppose to look but ours didn't quite turn out this well, but still we were pretty pleased with the outcome considering we weren't too sure on the powder we used. 




 To the left you have the Yellow ones, which came out the second best I think.




To the right was suppose to be green, for some reason the crystal has gone clear and the shell is yellow, not really sure what happened here.
These are the purple ones, which kinda look blue, could have down with more red colouring, but overall these seemed to work the best.













And finally we have the blue.....I really don't know what happened to these ones lol It's funny how we did everything more or less the same but we got such different results. 










Pillowcases.

Making the pillowcases is pretty simple. You just need pillowcases (Preferably cotton) a printer and transfer paper. Lucy bought polyester one's we didn't think anything of it, but when she went to iron them they melted a bit so if you do have polyester pillowcases just make sure you have the iron on low.

We knew the designs we wanted, so we got them up on the computer ready to print, It's surprising how confusing it is to try and get a printer to flip an image, but we managed it in the end. Just make sure you follow the transfer paper instructions....otherwise you will run into a few issues.

Luck wasn't on our side this day, when Lucy went to print out her design the printer decided to bleed....yes bleed, Red ink went literally everywhere, but weirdly the colour cartridge was clean so we couldn't work out where it came from. Luckily she was able to salvage her design as you don't want to be wasting transfer paper it's quite pricey! 





This was my design, I decided to cut out the letters individually so I could space them more. The first set didn't go too well, I decided to iron each letter and then peal it off which then caused them to smudg when I went over them....duh! I also managed to burn the A somehow but I quite liked the end result it made it a little more edgy and grungy. The second pillowcase turned out fine as I didn't have the iron on as hot and I waited until the end to peal the backing off.
Here are my finished pillows :


Lucy's pillow turned out amazing, I really liked her design, I wasn't sure how well it would work on the white background but it turned out really well, Hey Lucy? did you ever get round to doing your over pillow? 
Here is Lucy's design:


Incredible right? 
Well after a day of mishaps our projects didn't go too bad considering haha. I'm looking forward to another crafty day with this cool girl :)

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